So, putting up my first blog was a bit of a failure.
Despite thinking about my next post day in and day out, pondering over different blog ideas in the shower and reproducing entire blocks of text in the intimacy of my hyperactive mind, I found it impossible to actually sit down and write something. By the time this post flies off into the world, I have moved out of my university accommodation and come back home with a tiny, overpacked suitcase, a summer acne breakout and overzealous aspirations about what I would be doing throughout the next three months. As I am typing this, I process my anxious excitement about tomorrow's flight, I keep thinking about my brand new June - December bullet journal and I am already numbly missing my partner and shrinking with fear in front of the three months of long-distance relationship that are to come. Boxes and brown packing tape now give me PTSD. And my period is supposed to come anytime. I am hormonal and happy and buzzing.
And these are the reasons why maybe this is the worst idea I could come up with at this particular point in my life, but yeah, I want to write a blog post every day this June.
Blog every day in June. BEDIJ? Ugh.
This isn't an original or new idea, but it's one that stuck with me quite easily and very quickly. I feel like this is the opportunity that I need to put a significant amount of content up on the blog, and prepare in case it becomes an actually serious project and (hopefully) a source of income. It is my chance to work my butt off for something that I feel passionate about and use the sh*tload of free time that I have this summer to do something creative and productive. I can finally work at the intense pace I've always admired in other people, and give myself at least one purpose to get out of bed every morning (sounds sad and all of that, but if you start judging me so early, you'll have a hard time seeing a lot of me this month). Although the simple thought makes me cringe a bit, yeah, I can finally be a blogger.
Teaser: COMING THIS SUMMER TO THE THEATRES NEAR YOU. Before taking notes, on my flight back home.
(source: personal archive)
Writing a blog every day in June means that I can be as annoying and obnoxious as I want. I can write about whatever or whoever is on my mind, I can write away all the good and bad feelings I experience on a daily basis and spare myself a few sleepless hours at night. I would push myself to be creative, innovative and crazy, and go to any imaginable extents, since as a writer, I have no limits. Last but not least, exploring all these possibilities might actually help me figure out what I am expecting from myself as a creator and what I want for this blog in the first place.
Since I am seriously planning to dedicate one entire month to filling up this site with crap, one would assume that writing is a big thing for me. For starters, writing is something I have done consistently since, well, since I acquired actual literacy. At the age of 6 (much to my shame yes, I was a late bloomer), I made my groundbreaking debut with the comic The Princess and the Rabbit, a miserably plagiarised story about a young girl finding a rabbit in the woods, who turns to a charming prince when kissed. Frankly, my following pieces weren't any better, and the mere thought of my then blogging attempts make me want to curl up in a ball in a dark corner and rock back and forth for a few hours. What I do allow myself to remember about this chapter of my life, though, is that I enjoyed it at the time and that it reflected my personality, my preferences and my aspirations as they were quite accurately. Writing has always given me the opportunity to look over the table at myself, analyse and document: figure out who I am, what the hell I want from life, how these things about me change constantly, and then conserve everything into a finite piece of work that I end up hating the guts out of in a few years. It is bad and childish, but it helps me look back and say 'I was sh*t, yeah, but I really liked writing it when I did.'
Still picking up the bits from the last NaNoWriMo, and the sad thing is, I actually liked the idea for this one.
(source: personal archive)
As I came of age and started munching bites off the lovely pie that is life, writing has become an outlet for me. It has become my personal way of dealing with the thoughts and emotions of early adulthood that threatened to overwhelm me almost every single day. Did I have something on my mind bugging me and making me feel uncomfortable and insecure? I would write about it. Was my heart broken, were my expectations crushed in the process? I would put it down. Did I have an ideal or an aim I felt really strongly about, and wanted to preach about it to the world? I would put it into words. Writing has always set me free and given me wings. Writing was the safe haven for my utterly explosive, sometimes reckless self-expression that I never seemed to master using my voice or my hands. Day by day, I would be a quiet, obviously self-conscious teenager struggling to speak her mind, but when I was writing, I was a super-hero.
Looking back over the last months, I can safely say that I haven't written as much as I would've wanted. Several circumstances I had no control over have constantly stood in my way, but in the brief periods of time I wasn't thinking about deadlines, buying groceries and not being a bit*h to people by accident, my mind was wandering back to writing. I would write with my mind, I would plan out ideas that made me pace around my room in a frenzy, but for which I had little to no resources. The little writing that I've done still makes me so happy, and looking forward to the months to come. BEDIJ is so going to be a rave.
If you end up deciding to tag along for BEDIJ, I might actually stop using this unfortunate made-up acronym. Jokes aside, I am so happy to share this with you and I promise to provide something new and different from what is already out there. Feedback is more than welcome, and you know where to find me. I'll be either on a plane or at my desk, writing my mind away.
Day 1, ticked off. HAPPY BEDIJ.
Photo source: personal archive.
Photo edit: InstaSize.