To me, university has proven to be an amazing place to build friendships that can last a lifetime. Here, I found people that, honestly, I wouldn’t be able to imagine my life without, but growing close to people has never been an aspect I had issues with. Engaging socially with people for the first time made me struggle, though, and I often felt very nervous or insecure when I was about to start up a conversation with someone. University has more or less eradicated this fear of mine, pushing me to get out of my comfort zone and, as a result of that, feel more at ease when talking to strangers.
Chances are, you will not know lots of people once you get to university and you will want to get along with your flatmates, course peers or just the random guy you happen to sit next to in the library. And there is nothing wrong or desperate about it! We are social animals, we crave interaction with other fellow humans, especially in new environments such as university. And no matter how scary or uncomfortable talking to new people might feel like to you, I am here to assure you that it is, in fact, perfectly acceptable and actually encouraged in newcomers to go around and socialise.
And to make this social situation a bit more cleared up for you, I will share with you my experience of making friends at university, as well as a few tips and tricks that personally worked for me.
Just like I’ve already got you used to with this series, a little disclaimer: I actually get quite nervous and wound up when faced with the possibility of meeting new people. Although I love communication, joking around and getting to know others, and I’ve become quite good at hiding how uncomfortable I feel, I actually have a full-blown interior meltdown when talking to a stranger for the first time. I am also an introvert so every now and then, I shut everyone in my life off to spend some quality time by myself. I’m revealing all these things now just to show you that even someone who struggles with socialisation can make friends very easily at university!
I started talking to people with whom I would eventually go to university long before any of us physically moved in: once my spot in my accommodation of choice was confirmed, I joined a huge Facebook group chat of students that would live in the same halls and we all started talking. It was there where I met my best friend, my boyfriend and a good number of the people that now are in our common group of friends. We’ve been texting, sending Snapchat stories, Skyping for almost a month before the actual move-in day – and it was also them that I saw after I moved into my accommodation bedroom, and with whom I had dinner for the following weeks turning into months. Yet, I didn’t stay friends with all the people that I talked to on said group chat, and our group has shifted in time to include people who didn’t necessarily live in the same place as us, or even go to the same university. Indeed, the accommodation group chat was the starting point for it.
(source: personal archive)
At this point in my life, I am lucky enough to say that I have several groups of friends: the friends that I made via the accommodation that I lived in during first year, my housemates (so the people I’ve been living with for a year now), my friends from work, the friends I made on my course. With university, my life has expanded to include several avenues that allowed me to befriend some amazing people I wouldn’t have otherwise met.
It was at university where I met some of the best, most loving and supportive friends I’ve ever had. As somebody who’s had rocky relationships with people all throughout school and sixth form, I felt blessed to have people who accepted me for who I was, actively sought to check on me and invest in our bonds as much as I did, and just wanted to have a good time and avoid unnecessary drama. It was also at university where I fell in love for the first time and had the greatest adventure imaginable with one of the most outstanding people I’ve ever had the chance to meet. I’ve grown up along these people throughout the last couple of years, they bring me joy and confidence and they build me back up whenever I fall. Honestly, I drew one lucky card with them.
I feel as though friendships at university are important because they are the first proper adult friendships you’ll ever have. You meet these people outside of your local environment (so sometimes, your hometown) and they become part of the life that you are now building for yourself. You have greater freedom in choosing your friends than before. Also, together with these people, you grow up to become an adult (or at least try to, or fake it until you make it) and the experience in itself feels crazy and excruciatingly difficult, but at least you’re not doing this alone! Your friends go through the exact same stress and you’ve got each other’s back. I also found that with my friends from university, you have the opportunity to do so much more than just simply hanging out. It was with my friends from uni that I started having parties, pub outings, movie and games nights, road trips and weekly activities that we did together. Whereas during secondary school and sixth form, the nucleus of my friendships existed primarily in an academic environment so going out was not as much of a need for friendships to last, this time around it was about how much effort and time people were willing to put in group activities for the friendships to flourish – and I was so much happier with this situation.
(source: personal archive)
Making the right friends at university fast enough to not feel left behind is also about luck and circumstances: you really will meet your people when the right time comes and there is no use in forcing a friendship that feels unnatural or boring. It’s mostly about patience! Yet, the more open you are to experiences that will prompt you to get to know new folks and the more you communicate with those around you, the greater the chances are for you to find like-minded individuals whose company you will enjoy. In this regard, there are a few tips I can leave you with:
If you can, start chatting online. I found that this has worked best for me: not only was I able to talk to people without actually looking them in the eye (so no social anxiety on my part), but I also had a bit of a heads-up on the people that I would run into once I moved in my accommodation. Preparing for university while talking to my friends was also easier and less of a stressful experience, and I was spared the pressure of finding people to eat dinner with during the first few weeks. It was also via this group chat that I met a couple of my best friends and my boyfriend! Although there are seemingly so many advantages to chatting to your future uni mates online, it is essential that you stay safe at all times and not present yourself as an open book right away. Take it easy, but also enjoy it.
Now that you have the time, attend as many events as possible. Universities usually provide a plentiful of social activities during the first introductory week, so going to those would hopefully help you meet some new people! Some of them might even be course-specific, so those would get you to talk to students who take the same classes as you. It is during the first weeks when you have the least coursework and studying to do, so take advantage of the free time that you still have to socialise and meet people.
(source: personal archive)
Join societies/clubs/sports teams. These exist in pretty much every university and they are a wonderful chance for you to meet people who have the same hobbies and interests as you. Societies and clubs can prompt you to go about your passions from a completely new perspective, and talking to people who like the same things as you can open up your eyes to such perspectives. Also, if you’re too busy with studying and a part-time job, attending a society can guarantee that you get the social mingling that you need once a week, without fearing that you’re making too big of a time investment.
Get a job. I’ve already touched upon this briefly in my previous post on adulting, so if you’ve read that you probably already know that getting a job while in higher education depends on various factors. A side advantage to it, though, is that it gives you the opportunity to meet new people, potentially students like you, with whom you can make friends. I was lucky enough for this to happen to me and frankly, you can meet some amazing people while at work.
This is, in a nutshell, the story of how I met my friends at university and how you can manage an active social life as a student yourself. Just like with everything else university-related, it’s difficult but not impossible! And in the end, this is how you’ll make the greatest memories you’ll ever have.
What are your thoughts and experiences of socialising at university? I would love to carry on the discussion in the comments section! This is where you should be headed if you have any other questions or dilemmas about university, which I would love to help you out with!
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University Survival Kit – Posts:
August 13th – Organising Your Move-In at Uni
August 20th – Adapting to a New Way of Studying
August 27th – Adulting: Finances, Jobs, Living Alone & With Others
September 3rd – Managing Your Social Life at University
September 10th – Improving Your Skills & Experience at University
September 17th – Dealing with Culture Shock in an Academic Environment
September 24th – Little Funny Bits I Learned at University
Photo sources: personal archive.