I don’t think I’ve ever had as tumultuous of a love-hate relationship as I did with public speaking. Twelve-year-old me, more self-conscious and out of place than a penguin stuck in the desert, would dread having to prepare those damn presentations with mandatory delivery in front of the entire class at school. I was all academically enthusiastic until it came down to standing in front of my classmates and speaking away: it made me feel uncomfortable, nervous and just physically sick.
Fast-forward eight years, and my disdain for public speaking has eased down. So much so that I actually enjoy doing it every once in a while. I do it almost daily, and it sometimes even takes me out of a bad mood: I’ve come to learn that speaking in front of people can empower me and can make me shine. Looking back, I realise I’ve come a long way but back in the day, I wouldn’t have imagined getting where I am now (as if this isn’t the entire idea behind this blog). And today, I’d like to share with you how I improved my self-confidence and developed my public speaking skills.
For a bit of context, I’ve always loved being the centre of attention. Knowing that I had people look my way, listen to what I had to say and take their precious time to mull over something that I produced – even if of little value – has always made me feel validated. Needless to say, I could get very bossy and annoying, just to get that kick out of others. I wouldn’t say no to public speaking opportunities and having everybody’s eyes fixed on me, but I would start regretting it as soon as I said ‘yes’. That was usually the point where it dawned on me that doing something in front of everybody could potentially result in that something going terribly wrong – and that made me feel nervous and pressured to perform as well as possible. As I mentioned, that was getting unhealthy at times.
A big part of public speaking that I could never understand was use of body language. I mean, I did know I couldn’t just stand still, arms stuck rigidly to my body, and I couldn’t flail my arms endlessly with no particular purpose either, but what followed after that was a complete mystery to me. I am an animated speaker by nature, you would see me make use of body language quite a lot in normal, everyday conversations but because I was so nervous about speaking in public, I would lose this essential part of who I was, literally repress it without even realising. Same with my manner of speech. It is just so easy to start hating your voice when you hear it reverberating from the walls of a quiet room listening out for what you have to say. I have little control over my voice (hence why I gave up guitar long ago), and that just becomes worse when I am presenting in front of people.
No matter how much I hated presentations and could try to avoid them, I was aware that they were part of the game: they were the only way I could showcase my work to others and successfully reap the results of my efforts and time. Whenever I put something out, could it be a blog post or a piece of coursework or a completed task, I am fairly confident in how it turns out; otherwise, I wouldn’t even bother to put it out there to begin with, or I would take my time, as much as possible, to amend what I’m unhappy with. In this regard, there’s not a single presentation I’ve ever done that didn’t turn out how I wanted at the time, and when I stepped out to do my part, I would already know that what I did was good or correct, or at least down the appropriate path. My confidence levels would drop when I started speaking, though. Knowing how nervous and insecure I was about my ability to put my work out there, I already knew my poor presentation skills will decrease the quality of the content: it was a battle lost before it even began.
Things have changed a lot since then, and that was a result of lengthy experience with public speaking. I have done a lot of presentations for sixth form and uni alike, which made it crucial for me to practise public speaking if I were to get the grades that I wanted. The biggest challenge came when I had to take an entire module based on presentations, which happened weekly and required consistent work and training in that regard. Then, finally getting employed and working my first jobs meant that my confidence around human interaction increased, and I learned how to quickly adapt to situations that had me speaking in front of strangers. For my current job at least, I speak in front of a public almost every single day. Applying for other jobs and positions has also put me in a variety of situations that tested my public speaking skills. Last but not least, all the other opportunities that I took at a point or another in my life, usually around volunteering, exposed me more to the very aspects that scared me the most about public speaking. In a nutshell, I have had enough to get used to it by now.
So many flashcards...
(source: personal archive)
And this is actually one way to learn how to speak publicly better: do it more. As difficult as it sounds, it’s actually quite easy: there are plenty of chances for you out there to practise speaking in front of people. Ranging from subjects you can take in school, to jobs you can work, to different work experience and volunteering opportunities, it’s almost as if the world that we live in wants us to gain more self-confidence. You will be scared of it, of course! Choose to look away from your fear, and you will find that there was nothing there for you to see in the first place.
When it comes to public speaking, you’ve got to wear yourself with pride. The position and the language of your body can do wonders about the way you feel when you get ready to speak in front of a bunch of people. Shoulders drawn back, chest pushed up front, chin up and try to relax! One thing that always helps me loosen up before a public speaking endeavour is to think that I am about to talk to a friend rather than a group of people I don’t know. I make sure I picture my friend and a friendly scenario that I would not normally be fearful in: let’s say, we’re in a coffee shop. Not only do I not feel tense anymore, but I also allow my personality to shine through in what I’m saying, and that’s something that even the most oblivious audience will be captivated with. Also, that helps a lot with my body language problem! I get to move my hands in ways that make sense and will draw the listeners in even more.
Another thing that I do comes along with the concept of ‘fake it until you make it’. I might not feel like I’m worth listening to, but I act as though I am. Maybe not all the points that I will try to get across will be relevant, but I make them sound as though they are key ideas of my argument. This principle works whenever you get to the questions-and-answers bit after a presentation, and you are faced with a question you did not exactly anticipate. What I usually do is I restate my initial thesis, adapt it to the question in such a way that I provide a bit of an explanation rather than a perfect solution to the problem. The tone does it all, or at least it provides a bit of a filler when I don’t have anything better. Of course, it cannot replace the quality of the content of what you’re saying, but it is a smooth way of getting over any obstacles that might arise in the way of your performance.
Whenever I know that I will have a presentation that day, I usually dress up in an outfit that makes me feel confident, as well as comfortable. For example, I love dresses and they always make me feel at ease, while still looking elegant so that’s what I usually go for whenever I have a public speaking commitment. I usually make sure I feel as good and pretty as possible whenever I have a nerve-racking event coming up, like an interview or a particularly challenging presentation or exam. Although it is not necessarily something that people will always notice, the aura of confidence that you get when you feel good in your skin will not go under the radar!
And another little trick: I make sure that I look back at people. It used to scare the living daylights out of me, but not anymore – I am all about making eye contact with my listeners now. There is something particularly empowering about locking eyes with someone whose attention you have, and sort of letting them know that you’re on it, so you speak to them only for a moment or two. I like looking from a face to another and making sure that I let people know by moving my head in the direction of my eyes. I found that the most engaged audiences are the ones you look in the eyes of the most, because it makes people feel involved and they will like you more for involving them in whatever you’re doing. Also, any mistakes you might make won’t be as harshly looked upon if you make yourself likeable to begin with!
I think one thing that is not stressed enough whenever public speaking is delivered as an assignment in schools is that it really is about communication. You are walking up there to give something to people, a gift of information dispersed around. It is just a bigger conversation, and just like with a conversation, if things go wrong it’s not the end of the world. With public speaking in school, I feel as though everybody was so caught up that we usually ended up talking to the wall in the back of the room, trying to remember to breathe and praying that it’ll all be over soon. Yes, looking back on my years in school, I wish we were taught that public speaking can also be fun.
What are your thoughts on public speaking? Do you enjoy doing it, or do you think there is still room for improvement when it comes down to your public speaking skills? I would absolutely love to hear what you have to say, so drop a comment down below!
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Photo sources: personal archive.